Top Guns

Ground Control, Top Guns ready for take-off


top gunOkay, so maybe I snore a little when I sleep at night.  I didn’t think it could be as bad as Paul made out, even when he bought that giant economy size bag of neon yellow ear plugs down at Princess Auto.  He’s just getting me back for when I used to tease him about his snoring before he went and got himself diagnosed with sleep apnea, I thought.  My God, could he raise the roof!  He used to sound like a squadron of Top Guns flying over the house, ALL BY HIMSELF!!!

See, I’m a night owl. I hardly ever see the bed before at least 3 am.  That’s when I do some of my best writing! Getting Paul diagnosed and put on a C-PAP machine for sleep apnea was a Godsend.  Now he gets into a fine deep sleep, and I can creep into the bed without him even waking up!  Brilliant!!  No more “When are you going to shut off that Goddamn light and go to sleep?!!” Yay!!! I get to read for at least an hour before I drop my Kindle on the floor and wake him up!

I don’t know if it’s contagious or not, but I have fallen prey to the same damn disease.  I guess it’s Karma catching up with me.  I conceded to having a sleep study done, and went to my doctor yesterday to receive the report.  The doctor told me she usually gets a sentence or two on a patient. With my report she got a whole paragraph!  The news was not good.  I was experiencing on average, 86 episodes an hour, whereby my body would wake me up, starved and straining for oxygen.  My oxygen saturation level overnight was 87, where it should anywhere from 96-98!!  I was to present myself to the Respiratory Clinic forthwith to be fitted out with a C-PAP machine.

I was never going to live it down!  How often did I tell our friends that going to bed with Paul was like sleeping with Tom Cruise.  Here he was with the mask on, the hose sticking out from his face, and his two wrists encased in braces to combat the carpal tunnel effects from his years of repetitive stress injury from doing mechanical work.  At the beginning I secretly called him Snuffleupagus (from Sesame Street) and I called his C-PAP his “snuffy”, but on second thought that was a little demeaning, so I thought he might be happier with the superhero, Tom Cruise-Top Gun likening.  Sometimes I would wake up from an REM sleep, dreaming about space aliens, only to be confronted with one in my very own bed!  And he wondered why I woke up screaming!!!

Well, tonight will be our first night together both wearing our C-PAP masks.  If the apocalypse happens, someone please call us, because we will be in such a deep sleep, it will probably take the Luftwaffe dropping bombs on us to wake us up.  I’m going to think positive about this, and imagine us as Spock and Kirk going on a deep space odyssey, or me and Jaques Yves Cousteau exploring the Marianas Trench.  At the very least, I will play Goose to his Maverick.  As Dr. Seuss once said, “Oh the places you’ll go…

C-paclove, normac-pap 

Speak Your Mind


Floating Social Media Icons Powered by Acurax Blog Designing Company
Visit Us On TwitterVisit Us On FacebookVisit Us On Pinterest