Just one of those days (from hell!)

Bet Your Ass, Hell Hath Fury!

Remember in that “About” section where I confessed that being the  parent, business partner, elder care giver, wife and chief cook and bottle washer was sucking the life out of me? Here’s a sample of how that goes down.  You try adding writing a novel to that job description!  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it, though.


Oh, yes!  It’s going to happen soon.  There will be gray matter all over the ceiling, just like the chocolate chip explosion, only less tasty.

It all started yesterday morning.  I had been on the weather network, procrastinating getting started at work.  The weather gurus were predicting a snow bomb for our area, twenty to forty centimeters of snow.  Hell!  I promptly shut down Google and fired up the old VPN and hunkered down to work.   I started doing the bank reconciliations for last taxation year.  As should be duly  noted, I hate the bastards and put them off, and now had no choice but to tackle them in order for the accountant (Shauna, the loud one who makes my head hurt, but is so g’damn efficient) to do the year end.   I didn’t realise that I had already done January for some reason (A gift to myself when I found that out, one down eleven to go!).  So I buckled in and did February.  I have a freakin’ awesome set of instructions written out to myself on how to go about it, I’m just rusty now.  February was a little problematic, but I gets ‘er done and on to March!  I never stopped until I saw the balance line equal zero, around 10:00 last night.  Great.  I’m a quarter of the way there.

No time to cook a decent meal, so we have baloney and beans for supper.  Bad move…

I get up this morning, all set  to finish April, and realize that I forgot to make a couple of journal entries. The g’damn process is so gnarly that it takes the best part of two hours to get back to a zero balance.  I’m pretty sure I did one entry wrong, and didn’t change the date from today’s to the date I am working on, so when I go to do this months rec (probably this time next year)  I will probably be out the amount of this bank entry, which is lurking somewhere in cyberspace hell like a time bomb waiting to go off! Terrorist fucking accounting system, I swear to God!!!

So the elder one hobbles out to the door around 11:00, looking like death warmed over, holding her wrist like the proverbial bird with a broken wing.  Me: ” How are you feeling today?”  Her: ” Bad.”  Yup, Lasix has got her wrist in a knot, just as I predicted yesterday. Looks like Thursday until I can stop the double dose she’s on due to the congestive heart, so that we’re sure her lungs are clear.  More pain to come in the wrist.  So, I get her breakfast because her wrist is too bad to even take down a coffee cup, throw a handful of pills down her neck, couple of extra Tylenol, and I plant her on the couch for a nap.  Yeehaw, back to the office for fifteen minutes until I have to take the daughter to work in “the Pearl”, a forty minute round trip.  Didn’t know whether I should let her drive, because the Mrs. from the Insurance Company called the above mentioned elder one yesterday to say her insurance is up at the end of March, and of course, innocent to the ways of the world, she spilled the beans and told the nice lady she was no longer driving, and she was giving her car to her grandaughter, who is just learning to drive, and her son and daughter in law now drive her car.  Great.  Of course, that sheds a whole n’other light on the policy, which now has to be re-worked with the son as the main driver.  The daughter does not have to be insured until she actually gets her licence, but can still learn as long as there is insurance in force on the car. The elder one had totally misunderstood what the woman had said and thought that she was telling her that the car had had no insurance paid for the whole of last year and that all of us had been driving it uninsured!  I was ready to eat the bitch, because I knew damn well that the premium had to be paid or else they would be tormenting her to death, and a registered letter would have had to been issued notifying her that they had cancelled the insurance policy.  So at this point, I had some investigating to do and Heather still had to get to work, so I say, “Let’s take a risk.”  So she drove her grandmother’s (or her car, who the hell knows?) in to the Pearl.

I had to go for groceries.  Of course, with a list long as your arm from the mother-in-law, which makes grocery getting fun, because everything has to be kept separate, and I’m trying to think of what I need at the same time.  Of course, she forgot to give me her debit card, so I still have to pay the full shot, which came to over $400. So I drag it all home and into the house with no one to help me, the dog barking his fool head off, and starved because I had forgotten to feed the bugger, and pissing myself at the same time, because the morning coffee decided to make a re-appearance.  Thank-you water pills.  Finally, I get straightened out from all that and I open the door to the in-law apartment to bring  out her groceries, only to be barraged by messages from the agent at  the Insurance company to get in touch with her immediately about the mother-in-law’s insurance. Of course the elder one figured I should just drop everything and call the bitch right NOW!  Meanwhile my back was killing me from lugging groceries and then she informs me that she had gotten the runs (back door trots) from the beans, and had been to the bathroom a dozen times since I had gone out, which meant that she couldn’t put the groceries away.  Meanwhile, my stuff was out thawing in the front porch.  She kept yanking my chain, until I almost lost it and told her that if things got much worse with her, we were going to have to get her a nurse.  Of course, she misunderstood, and thought I meant putting her into a home, and she got all quiet.  She then figured that she should be calling Belbin’s or Coleman’s to place a grocery order for delivery.  Hell,YES!!!  She finally gets it!  I am so worn out from the whole shebackle, I feel like I should do the same.

Meanwhile, life goes on in the office, and hubby/boss calls with a dozen or more things for me to look up and fax, and by the sounds of things is having just as bad or worse a day than I’m having.  The Mrs. finally calls me back from the Insurance company and we get the changes needed started on the policy for the mother-in-law’s car.  Good thing I didn’t go aboard the missus, cos it was the mother-in-law’s muddled brain that caused most of the confusion and upset, and I wasted a lot of time gathering up proof that last year’s insurance was paid.  Meanwhile, she  probably still thinks we have all been driving her car without insurance.  *sigh*  Why do professional people even bother to discuss confusing business issues with the elderly?

So, in summary, no vendor’s got paid today, only half of April got reconciled, we’re pretty sure there is insurance on Heather’s car at least until next Monday, but I wouldn’t bank on it if we had an accident in it before the policy was re-written.  (If she looks up my driver’s license, she’s probably going to wonder why I wasn’t licensed for seven years somewhere in between there.  If she asks, I think I’m gonna tell her I was in prison!!!)

AND THE SNOW BOMB HASN’T HIT!!!  What’s up with that.  If I was as wrong as often about people’s accounts and paying vendors as they are about the weather, I’d be fired.  I don’t feel one bit bad about being behind on my bank rec’s.  If those twerps at CRA had to contend with what I have to contend with in the run of a day, the taxation center would be covered in brain matter from people’s heads exploding!  I kid you not.

Now I’ve got so many groceries that I can’t decide what to have for supper.  Hubby just came home, ready to eat the fatted calf, and It’s still on a styrofoam tray in the fridge.  I think I’m going with the previously frozen cod tongues, because with the way I’m feeling today, someone needs to be fed a meal of tongues before the night is out!  Oh my!!!

Hope your day went better than mine!  Enjoy the calm before the storm.  At least you didn’t have to shovel your way in!  Tomorrow may be a delayed start.  One can only hope, with the city council snowclearing crews cut to the bare minimum.  Tim Horton’s will have to be making road calls to keep the poor buggers going!!!  Hope Heather gets off before the heavy bombing starts!  You can bet your ass, I won’t be taking the Corolla out to pick her up!  Love you like  a day on the beach in Florida.   I so need a holiday!!!  Chances are I wouldn’t be coming back, if I made an escape now.  *frantically counts travel points*  *sweatdrop*

Your pal,

blue glitter norma


  1. Stacey Pittman says:

    OMG!!!! Norma I lost it several times reading this…lol so much MY poor befuddled mother in law must have thought I was losing it. And you wonder where the saying when it rains it poor comes from!

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